My Journey

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I am a Jesus-follower, a minister, and a mom. I'm trying to be good at a lot of things and often this exhausts me. I love my kids, my husband, my church and my life. I want to share my journey with others, so this is my blog.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Roux's first prayer

Yesterday my son told me that during his quiet time in the afternoon he prayed to Jesus and thanked him that the sun came out. That's cute and all, right? But later, the significance of this moment hit me. This is the first time (to my knowledge, but considering my son's propensity to talk about everything and anything, I think it's a safe bet) he has prayed all by himself without the prompting of mom or dad. All on his own, he prayed. He is beginning his very own relationship with God, separate and yet in beautiful coordination with his family, extended family, school, and church! I am so very blessed and so excited to see God working in my 4 yr old's life.

Friday, March 9, 2012

It gets easier!

To all my new-or-soon-to-be mom-friends out there, this is for you:

As I write this, my 4 year old is downstairs getting water for him and his brother. They are talking and playing happily. Twice in the past 2 weeks I have been able to take a shower while they were awake without interruption (as I re-read that last sentence, it would sound awful to my pre-child self, instead of amazing). This morning, when I told my 4 yr old I needed to take a shower, he turned to his brother and said "Finn, would you like to go upstairs and play with me while mommy showers?" Finn (age 2 and still doesn't have many words) nodded, and up they went. There have been multiple Sundays recently when my husband and I have been able to sit and have coffee while the boys played nicely together and left us (mostly) alone. I have even been able to write this post with very minimal interruption.

Is it always like this? Of course not. I'm pretty sure the 2 yr old spent most of the day crying yesterday. I often feel I'm having to constantly handle "mom, Finn's doing..." reports. But then, I notice times like this morning. They don't need my constant attention. They are perfectly happy on their own.

Maybe you, as a new mom, are living in bliss. You have the perfect child who gives you joy at every moment. But maybe you're like me. Often just wishing for 5 minutes to yourself. Constantly stressing about how to spend the next few moments so your child will be happy and give you just a little break. Of course you love your child, but the eternal feeling of constant parenthood can be overwhelming at time. If that's you, then my message to you is simply this: just hang on, it gets easier.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Heavenly Idolatry?

Lately I've been reading a few contemporary Christian authors who, as part of their re-understanding of the Bible, call into question our basic understanding of heaven and what the Bible actually promises about heaven. I will admit that, while I'd like to ignore all this "new" info and cling to my childhood understanding of paradise, the Bible is rather unclear about what is figurative and what is literal. When it comes down to it, I don't know what to expect. And I hate that. I hate not having this expectation of heaven and my gorgeous house made out of water, my pet grizzly bear and lots of time with loved ones who have passed away. Hate hate hate.

There is some parts about heaven that are not murky, however. The Bible is very clear about 2 things: There is an eternal life and it is about God. The question is, do I trust God enough to be ok not knowing the rest? When I'm frustrated or sad and angry with how things are on earth, do I look forward to things changing in heaven or do I look forward to being with God in heaven? I am realizing that my fixation on a beautiful life in heaven is a form of idolatry. If looking forward to heaven is about who and what will be there more than the fact that I get to spend eternity with God, then I have put heaven in place of God.

I now believe God has put these uncomfortable questions in my mind so that I can realize how mixed up my priorities are. The absolute essence of heaven is spending eternity with God. That is what should matter the most to me. And I need to be shaken up in my understanding of heaven so that I can see that I have been worshipping an image instead of the true God.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012


This morning was one of the harder ones for me. I love getting up before my kids to have worship. I look forward to it, plan on it, and bask in it. This morning, they woke up early. I know worship should give me patience, and it does...after. During I just get more and more frustrated. They have to stay in their room until 7 a.m., but that theory doesn't always work out in practice. I make them stay there, but that doesn't stop them from continually coming out and yelling downstairs at me for random "needs". And I just get more and more annoyed.

This morning, as this scenario was playing out, I asked for God's grace enough to handle them today (when days start out like this, I have a hard time pulling back my peace and patience that I started the day hoping for). The song "Your Grace is Enough" came into my head, and, the lover of technology that I am, immediately pulled out my iphone and downloaded it. Then sat and listened to it as long as I could (trying to ignore the kid noise above).

Just that phrase "Your Grace is Enough" really struck me. This is such a little thing. God's grace (including God's love and patience and all the other wonderful gifts that pour out of God) has been enough to cover the world for thousands of years. Every individual is offered this, to cover massive amounts of Sin. Every moment. It is very petty of me to wonder if, those thousands of "gallons" of grace are enough for my little annoyances. Of course God can give me the grace to get through the day. How petty of me to think otherwise.

Meanwhile, back to the kids I go...

Monday, January 16, 2012

The big & small of it...

I recently came to understand the story of Cain and Abel in a new way. I thought of this story as "Cain brings food instead of animals to God, God gets mad, Cain gets jealous, Cain kills brother." When I pay attention to the text (and I think becoming a parent helps a lot) I see this in a new light.
Cain brings the sacrifice of his own hard work to God. God has asked for something different, a sacrifice that is the work of God, not the work of a man. When God doesn't accept Cain's sacrifice, Cain get's mad. God says "Why are you angry?...If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it." Gen. 4:6,7
What to sacrifice seems like a small issue. God, however, sees the bigger picture. God sees that by allowing Cain to slip by with this little showing of pride, the bigger evil of SIN will come in and hurt Cain more. How many times as a parent to I stop a small misbehavior so that the bigger one doesn't follow it its wake? This wasn't God being overly picky, this was God being a good dad!
Unfortunately, in the rest of the story, we see that Cain overreacts and kills his brother. God still acts lovingly, punishing Cain by making him leave home, but protecting him throughout the rest of his life.
We fall under this same temptation all the time. To let the little things slide in our daily interactions with others and with God. Little bits of pride, anger, resentment, etc. seep through and we think "no biggie, it's just a small thing." This passage is a great reminder that there are no small things.
Does this seem overwhelming? The Bible doesn't leave it to us to get better. God saw how easily we fall and provided. Hebrews 2: 18 says "For in that He Himself (Jesus) has suffered, being tempted, He is able to aid those who are tempted." Not only does Jesus understand what we are going through, but has taken it upon himself. As John the Baptist proclaimed "Behold the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world."
Today I pray God's help in the small things...and the big.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Rejoice exceedingly

Lately I have been enjoying reading the Bible according to a liturgical-style reading plan I found at It's based on readings from the Book of Common prayer. For one, I like how it chooses 4 different readings from different sections of scripture so I get a well-rounded reading of the Bible each day. The different readings all seem to be thematically joined, so even though it's from different areas of scripture, I feel I can soak up one common theme from God each day. Another reason I enjoy this style is I love that other Christians around the world could be reading on a similar schedule and I feel a part of God's greater church at large.

Today's Psalm was beautiful. Psalm 68:
Let God arise...
As wax melts before a fire, let the wicked perish at the
presense of God.
But let the righteous be glad;
Let them rejoice before God;
Yes, let them rejoice exceedingly.

I think we often think of the presence of God with fear and trembling, and rightly so! But here is an image of those who worship God rejoicing before God. The wicked will melt away, but the righteous, those who have accepted God's unconditional love and come to God humbly aware of our unworthiness before His worthy, those have no need for fear. Let them rejoice exceedingly. For God is

"A father of the fatherless, a
defender of widows,
Is God in His holy habitation.
God set the solitary in families.
He brings out those who are bound
into prosperity."

What a beautiful picture of God. I will rejoice exceedingly before God today.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

A God of action...?

"Save me, O God, by Your name,
And vindicate me, by Your strength.
Hear my prayer, O God;
Give ear to the words of my mouth."
-Psalm 54:1,2

David clearly believed in a God of action. He saw God as Someone who did things and he expected God to act. And, he was "a man after God's own heart."

I am not one who expects a lot of action from God. God is very real to me. I have a relationship with God that is as real to me as my relationship with my husband or kids. In this relationship, I see God working, but through people loving people as they listen to God's voice leading. I don't really expect God to act through miraculous acts outside of people's "help" (for lack of a better word). Is this good or should I expect more? Are my expectations realistic or do I limit God?