My Journey

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I am a Jesus-follower, a minister, and a mom. I'm trying to be good at a lot of things and often this exhausts me. I love my kids, my husband, my church and my life. I want to share my journey with others, so this is my blog.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Satisfaction Guaranteed?

"Drink water from your own cistern, and running water from your own well." Proverbs 5:15
I read this text this morning and I really took it to heart. First, I thought it was about sharing. My two boys are struggling with this concept. Then I read it again and realized it's much more poignant for me than for them. It's not about sharing, it's about being satisfied with what you have.

I am in the process of buying a house. I love the house, but buying means we're going to be strapped for cash until I get a part-time job. I'm already thinking of all the things I wish I could get for the house. Then I just want to smack myself. This is a beautiful house with a wonderful yard and even a jacuzzi! A house and yard like the one we're buying is the reason we moved to washington. Be satisfied!

Then, as I was rocking my baby for his nap, I was wishing for more. More sleep, more time to myself, more time to get things done. That's when I thought of this verse again. I don't need to just be satisfied with my material goods, I need to be satisfied with my life. Be satisfied.

I have an amazing life and amazing kids. God, help me be satisfied. 

Friday, October 8, 2010

Sabbath

It's finally Sabbath. I'm not sure what that means for a stay-at-home mom. How is it different? It still feels different, and I'm not trying to get things done, so I guess that's good. I'm pretty worn out and tomorrow isn't looking all that "restful". My husband is still away, so on I go as a single parent.

It has been hard to be a SAH mom. Especially on Sabbath. Last week I barely made it through church without crying, and the only thing that kept me from crying was texting people from my old church. I need a church family. I need a place to come where I care about the people and they care about me. I'm not sure when this will happen.

This week has also been discouraging on the housing side of things. It's looking less likely that we'll qualify for a loan right now, which means renting indefinitely. Yuck. I am fully aware that we have it better than 90% of the world, that my boys will be happy wherever, and that renting isn't the end of the world, but we came here to give our boys a better home and now I don't know how or when that will happen.

I sound down, and so I should add that I'm generally happy here overall in our new homeland of Washington. I like the lack of stress. I can care for my boys and not feel like I should always be doing something else. I love that it's beautiful and green here, and that I get to have a real autumn, my favorite season! I like having weekends as a family without having a billion other obligations.

I am trying to trust God to work this out, the new church home, the new live-in home, etc. I just don't really know what to "trust". Because my theology says that I just have to trust in God to help me find peace no matter the circumstance, but that's not what I'm looking for right now! I also know I need more time with God if I'm going to have that peace, and I certainly haven't been fulfilling my end of that!

So, on to having a non-working (?) Sabbath. I think I'll go to bed and read a little about God.