Identity Crisis

We’re moving to Washington. My husband, who has so far followed my career, has a new job there and it’s my turn to follow him. I truly feel that every career is a calling from God, and this is where God is calling him. I’m excited, but I’m nervous.

I am a pastor. I have always been a minister. I mean always. High school, Jr. High. Always. It’s who I am. Making this move means that I won’t be paid to be a minister – at least not for a while. Pastor Jana is becoming a stay-at-home mom. I’m not sure how I feel about this.

I have great respect, even awe, for stay-at-home moms. I think dedicating every moment of your day to your kids is the most difficult job in the world. I’ve never been sure it’s for me. Yet here I am.

My mom got me a refrigerator magnet that says “All Moms Work.” When I have told people I’m leaving, I have received nothing but encouragement and support. People, men and women, understand that children grow up way to fast and most wish they’d had more time with their own kids. I am blessed to have this opportunity. I’m excited, too. I have been very stressed trying to work full time while being a full-time mom. But I’ve done it. And now I won’t be. I’ll be a mom.

My identity should be in Christ., regardless of my title. I’ve been preaching lately about doing individual ministry and taking time to form relationships with non-Christians. And maybe this is my chance. But still, I’ll be a stay-at-home mom. When someone asks what I do, the answer is “I’m a mom”. When I go to church, I’ll be just another church member. When I wake up in the morning, all I’ll have to do is take care of my kids and house. A mom.. And I start this new job in just 3 weeks.

What's in store?

I had an experience this weekend that is weighing on my heart. In a meeting with key church leaders, most of them were seeking prayer for their grown children. Most of these grown children were not associated with a church, some with little-to-no relationship with God. I looked around at these leaders. I respect each one and their faith is a model for me. I know each did their best to raise their kids to know and love God. Yet here they are. This scares me. I want my boys to grow to follow Jesus. I have worship with them, pray with them, and take them to church. I am sure these leaders did all of those things. Yet their children are not actively following Jesus. What can I do to help mine choose Jesus? How are you doing it differently than your parents? I would love your thoughts on this.

Headphones

So this morning my 2 year old, Roux, was having one of his crazy-hyper moods and I just wanted to wring his neck. We finally made it out of the house and into the car, so to save my sanity I put on my headphones and listened to a podcast.

Since I am trying to find more time for God, today I chose to listen to a podcast teaching by Rob Bell, a pastor in Michigan that I absolutely LOVE! And, as usual, he said things that blew me away. So here’s my thoughts for you today, a quote from a Rob Bell sermon:

“Sometimes what you pick up is that the job of a Christian is that we’re supposed to take Jesus to a land or a people that don’t have him and then sort of deliver him: “So, where do you want me to put him?” But Jesus is heavy. Is witnessing or sharing your faith, is it transporting Jesus to some place “Here is our Jesus”, or is he already, in some profound way, present in that place with that person, giving life. Is he not holding things together already and your job is simply to name that which is already real, true and present? Is it Jesus over here and then all the people that need him over here, or is he in some way already present and your job is naming the reality that they are already in, they just haven’t recognized yet.

Because [Bible writers] do not put Jesus over in a corner or in a church and then a big vast creation over here and you gotta figure out a way to make him relevant. They put Him as the very breath, life of all of that creation…”